Zuckerberg, Facebook and IPOs

This spoof was too brilliant not to share:

A Letter from Mark Zuckerberg

About Facebook’s IPO

MENLO PARK, CA (The Borowitz Report) – On the eve of Facebook’s IPO, Founder and CEO Mark Zuckerberg published the following letter to potential investors:

Dear Potential Investor:

For years, you’ve wasted your time on Facebook. Now here’s your chance to waste your money on it, too.

Tomorrow is Facebook’s IPO, and I know what some of you are thinking. How will Facebook be any different from the dot-com bubble of the early 2000’s?

For one thing, those bad dot-com stocks were all speculation and hype, and weren’t based on real businesses. Facebook, on the other hand, is based on a solid foundation of angry birds and imaginary sheep.

Second, Facebook is the most successful social network in the world, enabling millions to share information of no interest with people they barely know.

Third, every time someone clicks on a Facebook ad, Facebook makes money. And while no one has ever done this on purpose, millions have done it by mistake while drunk. We totally stole this idea from iTunes.

Finally, if you invest in Facebook, you’ll be far from alone. As a result of using Facebook for the past few years, over 900 million people in the world have suffered mild to moderate brain damage, impairing their ability to make reasoned judgments. These will be your fellow Facebook investors.

With your help, if all goes as planned tomorrow, Facebook’s IPO will net $100 billion. To put that number in context, it would take JP Morgan four or five trades to lose that much money.

One last thing: what will, I, Mark Zuckerberg, do with the $18 billion I’m expected to earn from Facebook’s IPO? Well, I’m considering buying Greece, but that would still leave me with $18 billion. LOL.

Friend me,

Mark

(Source: http://www.borowitzreport.com/2012/05/17/a-letter-from-mark-zuckerberg/ )

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Categories Politics

This Week’s Cunning Plan

13 May

Sir, I have a cunning plan to supply Jason Micallef with some young blood

So this week Joseph Muscat took his campaigning for the youth vote to a whole new level. Apart from his ‘Garanzija ta’ xogħol – tagħlim u taħrig’ (more on that some other time), this week he told us that if his dream of transitioning from Prattikament Prim to Prim were to happen he would lower the voting age (of local council elections) to 16.

Now I admit that at first glance this proposal might actually seem appealing and progressive to some. However an interesting fact is that among the handful of countries worldwide who’s voting age is BELOW 18 we find: Cuba, North Korea and Sudan.

Of course this trend outlines an obvious correlation; its in fact the socialist mantra revisited. The younger the voting age is set at, the easier it is to indoctrinate youth and the larger the number you can swing in your favour with absolutely no resistance – it is thus no surprise that the aforementioned countries favour such measures.

I believe that lowering the voting age is irresponsible and serves no ones interest but Joseph Muscat’s, who seems hell-bent to start filling Super One and Mile End with even younger mindless drones to help out in flooding the Times comment boards and writing mud-slinging anonymous blogs.

The Maltese political scene is still one of the most polarized in Europe (in fact we still ‘boast’ some of the highest voting turnout figures), If Muscat really has the best interest of the next generation at heart he will not force them into this divide at such an early age and allow them to form their political convictions in their own sound time.

Lowering the voting age, especially in a political climate like Malta’s, does nothing but encourage indoctrination and brainwashing from an even younger age. Then again what did we expect from Malta’s new Mintoffian Salvatur?

Sir, I have a cunning plan to supply Jason Micallef with some young blood

Tags: joseph muscat, Partit Laburista, PL, Voting Age

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Categories Politics

‘Im-xu’ gej Jowsefff

1 May

This morning I was awakened by the blasting sound of a Labour mass meeting in the heart of Valletta. Worry not, they spared none of the classics ranging from Armin Van Buuren to ‘Releaaaaaseeee Meeee, Releaaaaase my bodyyyyy’.

I do urge you all to watch the video on the Times of Malta’s online news item, in case you didn’t attend Joseph’s parade: http://www.timesofmalta.com/articles/view/20120501/local/joseph.417881

What a joke of a man. His behaviour doesn’t come across as cool and non-chalant, It comes across as sleazy, vain and pompous. None of which are qualities I look for in a Prime Minister.

It should be evident by now that Joseph Muscat is a man who is living solely for just these kind of moments; A whole crowd chanting his name and trying to touch the lapels of his suit, a camera crew lined up in front of him, and a band announcing his arrival.

That’s why he’s so out of depth when push comes to shove. That’s why 8 years ago he was ass-kissing Alfred Sant and lobbying against our EU membership, and that’s why he sounds so silly and shallow talking about social mobility NOW.

Joseph, you were on the wrong side of the fence when the most important issue arose with regards to social mobility and that was Malta’s membership in the EU. No Labour party government could open as many doors for future generations as the EU did, and yet here YOU are 8 years on lecturing us about social mobility. Vera ma tistħix ukoll!

Kif jgħid il-qawl Malti ‘min qatt ma libes qalziet meta libsu ħara fih’!

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Categories Politics

What’s next?

13 Apr

Below is an excerpt from a report on today’s Times of Malta online entitled ‘PL ‘to work hard to expand friendly relations with North Korea’ – news agency’

”Labour leader Joseph Muscat has expressed his will “to work hard to expand the friendly relations between the Malta Labour Party and the Workers’ Party of Korea and between Malta and the DPRK in the political, economic, cultural and other fields,” according to the Korean news agency KCNA.”

Read the full report here: http://www.timesofmalta.com/articles/view/20120413/local/korean-news-agecy.415311

Nothing screams human rights louder than parading a Mintoff in 2012 and sucking up to North Korea. Progressive stuff Joseph!

Tags: Human Rights, joseph muscat, Mintoff, North Korea, Partit Laburista, PL

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Categories Politics

A Frightening Cool

9 Apr

Here are some excerpts from Chris Peregin’s interview with Yana Mintoff (Dom’s daughter)- champion of human rights and civil liberties and one of Joseph Muscat’s star candidates.

CP: Former Labour leader Alfred Sant had sidelined the Mintoffians. How did you feel about that? How did your father feel when he was called a traitor? Is the hurt still there?

YM: It was a very sad time.

—–

CP: Now things seem to be changing and many Mintoffians are returning into the heart of the Labour Party.[...] How do you feel about the fact that people like you are being welcomed with open arms?

YM: It’s very good. He’s attracting many young, good intelligent people, and yes, more Mintoffjani, so I think it’s good.

(There you have it, an admission that under buckets of blue paint, ties and podiums Joseph Muscat’s progressive movement is simply a regression to Mintoffianism).

—–

CP: Are there issues in which you are not in agreement with Dr Muscat, though? He believes in civil partnerships but not gay marriage, for instance.

YM: I didn’t really know his position on that. We haven’t discussed it.

(Muscat’s champion of ‘civil liberties’ doesn’t even know what the leader’s stand on gay marriage is….how…encouraging)

—–

CP: As an activist, you were not particularly moderate. Once you were arrested and fined for hurling manure in the House of Commons. What was that about?

YM: That was about human rights. I knew people who were subjected to inhuman and degrading treatment in the prisons in Northern Ireland who wanted a united island free of military forces. I was particularly close to a mother who had two sons and one husband in prison. I won’t go through their conditions because they were horrendous.[...]

CP: So you don’t regret it?

YM: No.

Meanwhile, in Malta, human rights were being breached, arguably by your father’s government. Did you feel unable to react in the way you did in the UK? Or do you feel that human rights were not being breached at all?

YM: I would need more facts on that.

—

Bam, end of interview. You can check it out for yourselves over here: http://www.timesofmalta.com/articles/view/20120408/interview/A-progressive-MintoffYana.414481

Hats off to Chris Peregin for exposing the irony in all this and the cheek of this woman to waltz back into our country and lecture us about activism and human rights.

Yana, I too knew about people who ”were subjected to inhuman and degrading treatment in prisons”. People who were detained for no reason in shit-covered cells. People whose houses were searched by thugs as a form of intimidation. My family, among many other families, was itself on the receiving end of this so called Mintoffjan benevolent mentality which Joseph Muscat is trying so damned hard to bring back.

Unfortunately, I wasn’t old enough to sling manure at the members of parliament who let all this happen back in the 70′s and 80′s.

Tags: Dung, Human Rights, joseph muscat, Partit Laburista, PL, Star Candidate, Yana Mintoff

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Categories Politics

Alex It-”Tander” – poster boy of all things wrong within the Labour Party

29 Mar

First of all I’d like to apologize for my absence, I thought you all deserved a break from the intense political start to the new year. Unfortunately Labour’s uncontainable stupidity and thuggery has once again forced me to put pen to paper.

It all started yesterday while I was on University campus, minding my own business, when I stopped to hear a debate organized by SDM in which Labour MP Owen Bonnici was speaking. After hearing his patronizing speeches about the importance of youth in politics and his heartfelt appeals for young people from both sides of the political spectrum to be more active for a good 30 minutes I just couldn’t contain my frustration any longer, so I raised my hand and asked him the obvious question; How on earth can you blab on for 30 minutes with a straight face – encouraging young people to enter politics when one of the main deterrents for young people is the fact that ONE News dedicate all their time and effort to mudslinging and character assassination of the young people.

Of course Owen switched to St.Francis of Assisi mode and gave me the default answer condemning Daphne (of course not by name) and all bloggers and ignoring all the venom which One News spews on a daily basis. Alex Saliba – aka It-Tander (as in Thunder), was present with his trusty cameraman and thought (in his infinite wisdom) this moment apt to intervene (and by that I mean assault me) and accuse me of ‘attakk fuq ġurnalisti tas-Super One’.

Yes..this all happened whilst Owen Bonnici was trying his best to prove that Super One and their journalists are in fact NOT a bunch of vile harassing and unmannered idiots. Tander’s actions were so shockingly stupid and aggressive that Owen himself called him ‘Alex, Alex!’ and asked him to stop, whilst the chair of the debate scolded It-Tander and pointed out that better behaviour is expected on University grounds.

Kif waqqak għan-nejk quddiem kullħadd it-Tander, Owen! Basta nidhru macho

Oh but it doesn’t stop there. Tander would not give up. In fact he spent a whole 30 minutes standing a foot behind my arse with his microphone and trusty cameraman handy (he even had to change tapes he was there so long). I must admit I felt abused, but you can’t blame me the guy does look like a sexual predator with that hairstyle and intense look. When the debate was over Tander kept circling the SDM tent with his camera man, much to the amusement of on looking students, until I finally had to leave for my lecture.

At this point he sprinted towards me and stuffed his microphone in my face blurting all types of stupid questions which frankly I couldn’t be bothered to waste my time with.

When he realised his efforts of getting something on tape for his evening news service of ħdura u lanżit were futile , he took to bitching about me on Facebook calling me a ‘Coward’ and ‘iben il-bully’ and whatnot.

Well Tander, this is for you;

The reason I did not speak to you is not that I am a ‘Coward’ ….. ‘BELIVE ME!’. Quite the opposite, I write out all I have to say and sign my name to every post. Actually, I didn’t speak to you because I was taught never to talk to creeps. Your behaviour was more akin to a sexual predator, and half of campus was witness to that. Apart from that, your shirt reminded me of a table-cloth and lunch was fast approaching.